SMART WOMAN TELLS POWERFUL JERK TO GO FUCK HIMSELF

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Columnist Nikki Finke has left Deadline Hollywood today, telling boss Jay Penske that he can go fuck himself. 

“Penske can fuck himself in a bar, he can fuck himself in a car, he can fuck himself here and there, he can fuck himself anywhere,” says Finke, who, from that quote, apparently loves Dr. Seuss.  

Finke, who helped make Deadline the industry standard for entertainment reporting, says she is tired of having to deal with a man who routinely disrespects her skills as an entertainment journalist.

“I felt like I was trapped in Funny Girl,” Finke says.  “Whenever I watched the movie, I screamed at Barbra Streisand, ‘Leave that gambling son-of-a-bitch already, why don’t-cha?’  Now that I’ve gone through the same thing, I know how hard it is to leave a controlling man—and how liberating it feels afterwards.” 

Finke and Penske have been rivals for many years, culminating recently with Penske’s attempts to lock her out of her own website. 

“There is no Deadline without me,” she says.  “It’s like The Beatles without Lennon, like the Stones without Mick Jagger, like Girls without the uncalled for nudity.” 

When asked how she got out of that recent crisis, she slyly responded, “I have friends in high places who can help me get on any site I want.  Let’s just say for that one, I used the help of a bored white-haired gentleman trapped in a British embassy who I’ve sympathized with for years.” 

Finke doesn’t know where she’ll go next, but she confidently stated, “Anywhere that I can’t see Penske fucking himself would be ideal,” before bursting into a chorus of “Don’t Rain on My Parade,” that sounded surprisingly good for a woman whose only audience for her singing have been her cats. 

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