“I want a big one! A big one!” says George Bailey, preferably indicating the size of the explosions in the sequel to It’s a Wonderful Life.
The writers of the controversial It’s a Wonderful Life sequel gave an interview today where they explained their reasons for turning their sequel to the classic Frank Capra film into a Michael Bay shoot-’em-up with Jason Statham as George Bailey.
“We figured that the old movie had been replaced as ‘The classic Christmas movie’ with Die Hard, and decided that combining the two might be the best way to bring in a new audience. And who better to follow in Jimmy Stewart’s footsteps than Jason Statham? I mean, they even have the same initials!”
“In this version,” they continued, “Potter plots his revenge on Bedford Falls by building his own casino and turning the Bailey Savings and Loan into a parking lot. Then somebody shoots him, and it becomes, ‘Who shot Potter?’ and all eyes obviously fall on George Bailey.”
When I explained to them that The Simpsons had already used these two ideas, once in the Mr. Burns/Casino episode, $pringfield, and once in the classic two-parter “Who Shot Mr. Burns?,” that did not seem to deter them.
“The best part is,” one of them explained, “Clarence the guardian angel comes back to help George, but instead of being an old man, he’s a talking monkey with the voice of Robin Williams! I mean, people love monkeys, but they’ll love a monkey with an AK-47 and Robin’s voice!”
When I asked what was wrong with the original, which still shows up frequently on lists of the greatest American films, they just scoffed. “Those lists are all BS made by committee to push a couple of films the old people like. I mean, in the age of Transformers, how in the world do people still consider Casablanca, some old movie no one’s ever heard of, the best script ever? Puh-leeze.”
“The audience won’t sit still for any movie that’s in black-and-white, and doesn’t feature explosions, or CGI, or car chases, or any of that stuff. I mean, look at how much money Thor 2 made, and then look at Nebraska! Maybe if Alexander Payne had blown up something, he’d have made his money back.”