Paramount Hires Brett Ratner to Direct Sequel Nobody Wants


Paramount has announced its plans to make a fourth Beverly Hills Cop film with Brett Ratner as director, even though nobody wants another sequel to the beloved original.

“The original was a classic,” says Ratner, “so I’m really excited to ruin people’s memories of it by making a totally unnecessary sequel.”

When asked if Eddie Murphy would return to play Detective Axel Foley, Ratner laughed and said, “Of course he will!  Eddie needs to get away from his new habit of being in bad family movies and get back to what he’s great at—making shitty sequels to movies he was originally good in!” 

Paramount appears desperate to re-launch old franchises, a theory buoyed by the announcement this week that there will be more Indiana Jones movies. 

“The only way we can stay relevant in the 21st century is if we destroy things that people originally liked,” says a prominent executive at Paramount.  “If that means hiring Brett Ratner, a spectacularly lazy hack, to mount unnecessary sequels, then we have done our job.” 

Ratner then left our interview early to bang some supermodels with his friend Hugh Hefner, adding to his already douche-tastic aura.