Blue Ivy Hates Hearing Her Mom Sing

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In an unexpected turn of events today, Beyonce and Jay Z’s daughter Blue Ivy revealed that she can’t stand listening to her Mom sing.

“Whenever she starts singing, I yell, ‘Mommy, my ears are crying!’  She sings all the goddamn time.  When she sings to our dog—UGH!  If I have to hear ‘All the single Doggies’ again, I will move in with Baby North West.” 

Blue Ivy appears on her Mom’s new album, simply titled Beyonce.  In order to sing with her on the song “Blue,” Blue Ivy had to plug her ears with specially made earwax.  “They’re nearly invisible, and they seal up your ears 100%.  It’s perfect, like for when Rebecca Black comes on the radio.”  

When asked how she developed such a wide vocabulary so fast, Blue Ivy laughed and said, “Listening to great songs at a young age influences the way you speak.  Since I only listen to Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald, I have it all over the other babies who are gonna grow up to be cavemen because they only listen to hip-hop.”  

Just as she was about to say something else, her Mom’s album started playing.  Blue Ivy cried, but none of us listened because her Mom is so amazing.  

Then she fell asleep.